Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Lend me your jokes

Last year I helped coach a high school lacrosse team. At halftime of a game when we were losing to an inferior team the kids were getting pretty down on themselves and each other, and so were the other coaches. I thought the mood needed lightening so I told a joke that my uncle had recently told me (I don't really want to post it, but ask me if you are interested). Everyone had a good laugh and we went out the second half and dismantled Murray High like we should have all game.

I should have kept my mouth shut because I created a monster. From then on I was put on the spot for a joke every game, and I don't know that many jokes, let alone jokes I can tell to high school age kids (while their parents are around). You don't want to have to make people laugh on the spot, way too much pressure. So this year the team has had a slow start and I have startd to get e mail requests for jokes from the other coaches. I still don't know any jokes. Help me out people, let's post your favorite joke on the comment board. Go RAMS!!!!!!!!

11 Comments:

At 4/05/2006 05:55:00 PM,

Q: Why are peas SMALL and GREEN?

A: Because if they were BIG and RED they'd be Firetrucks!


Ok, if that doesn't get 'em (and we all know that it WILL), just describe the day's antics from Lewyn, and they should be rolling on the turf.

 
At 4/05/2006 06:51:00 PM,

I posted this one in a comment on Viva Ned Flanders last week, so you may have seen it there.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 80?

A: "Your Honor."

That joke goes over pretty well with lawyers. Not so sure about high school lacrosse players.

 
At 4/05/2006 06:58:00 PM,

my all time favorite:

Two cows in a pasture in England are conversing. The first cow says "Are you worried about catching that mad cow disease?"

The second says "I'm not a cow, I'm a helicopter!" 

Posted by cantinflas

 
At 4/05/2006 07:58:00 PM,

Why did the little mermaid wear sea shells?

Because B shells were to small and D shells were to big...

 
At 4/05/2006 09:33:00 PM,

This is my 6 year old sister's favorite series of jokes:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken's day off!

Q: Why did the frog cross the road?
A: Because it was STAPLED TO THE CHICKEN!

[insert raucous laughter here]

 
At 4/05/2006 09:34:00 PM,

actually, she has been telling that since she was 4. so after 2 years, it is a little stale.

She also calls people "cracker".

Since she was 3.

 
At 4/06/2006 09:58:00 AM,

Chris -

Not the mermaid joke again! (Audible groan).

 
At 4/06/2006 11:53:00 AM,

To continue the strain of lawyer jokes...

Q: Why won't sharks ever attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy

 
At 4/06/2006 12:10:00 PM,

Oh, we are doing lawyer jokes, huh?

 
At 4/06/2006 02:03:00 PM,

Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?

A: Law School

 
At 4/26/2006 10:07:00 AM,

Two friends meet each night to walk their dogs. One has a german shepherd and the other has a chihuahua. While they're walking one night, the german shepherd owner suggests that they stop at a bar for a drink. His friend
points to the sign in the bar window "No pets allowed". The german shepherd owner says "No problem. Just watch me and do the same thing I do." With that, he closes his eyes and walks into the bar with his dog. The bartender yells "Hey buddy, no dogs in here". He replies "Oh, but this
is my seeing-eye dog". The bartender apologizes and lets him in. The chihuahua owner seeing all this closes his eyes and walks in with his dog. The bartender yells "Hey, no dogs allowed in here". The man replies "But
this is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender is incredulous: "You expect me to believe that you have a seeing-eye chihuahua?" To which the man replies "They gave me a chihuahua!?!?"

 

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