Sunday, September 26, 2004

Female DFD - the "Treat Tramp"

While on the topic of dating practices, here is the text of an old email that I sent to a friend.....

Ok, let’s have a little discussion on treat tramps. That's right, treat tramps. You know, girls who drop off treats such as cookies, brownies, cupcakes, etc, to every guy they have a crush on with the preface, "I was just making these [insert item] and had a few extra, so I thought I'd drop some by for you and your roommates” or “ I thought that you might like a little study break.” Who are they kidding? They spent the last couple of hours toiling away for Brandon, Bob, Jim, Mike, or whomever, thinking that by proving their domestic abilities the boy will therefore not only ask them out, but also have the desire to be their EC (Eternal Companion - I just learned that acronym and had to use it.) Now we all know that treat tramping is a regular phenomenon at BYU, but the chaos spreads.

Because many BYU grads live here in Virginia, it is unfortunately a common occurrence here as well. They're practically falling off coffee tables...brownies, cupcakes, cookies...I mean St. Patrick's Day is practically an official treat tramp holiday. So, I'm thinking okay, this treat tramping might be acceptable....IF IT WORKED. But, alas, it doesn't. Ask any guy if he has ever asked a girl out after being treat tramped. Trust me a guy doesn't think, "Yum, these brownies are good...I'm going to have to take this girl out." Nope, doesn't happen. In all of my official polling, not one guy has ever asked a girl out because she brought him treats. So, then I ask myself, “Self, why is there all the madness going on?” The answer: Frankly, I don't know. But I would guess frustration? Desperation? So, please, for the dignity of all women -- stop!!!
Now to make myself clear - I’m not talking about if you're dating someone and you want to make something for them. Great!! Go for it—that's not treat tramping you're dating them. Nor I am including people doing nice things for other people (boys and girls) randomly. I'm talking about chronic treat tramping with the sole motive of brownies=date.

How do your know if you're a chronic treat tramp? Well, ask yourself this: Have you ever thought to yourself..."hmmmm, that Bobby sure is cute, and he hasn't asked me out...ever...maybe I should drop off a plate of brownies to his apartment." DON'T DO IT! My stats say the chances of him asking you out and not real high anyway, and by bringing treats it drops it to a zero percentage. Hang out with him, do whatever, but don’t treat tramp. The following text is from an email from a friend that is at BYU: "Anyway Tim and John are good. We all live together and get tons of cookies. For real we get too many, I think we are becoming true bachelors and it scares me. I don't like being a bachelor." (Yes, this really is a true email.)

So please, stop the treat tramping. (You can always bring them to me instead.)


At 9/26/2004 10:15:00 PM,

Here in the south, we don't have those kind of rituals. I don't believe I have ever had a baked good show up on my doorstep, and considering my good looks and stunning personality, just ask my wife, I believe that would be considered a rarity by the heavily populated or influenced Mormon community. So, yes I agree, tell the chicks in your area to stop sending food. This is sure to help stop premature inflation of the gastric region for young men everywhere. Instead, why don't you suggest they offer something that will show the guy they are trying to impress that they are worth going after.

My suggestion: back rub, car wash or foot massage coupons. Gift certificates to his favorite places, and finally 2 free movie tickets to use at his discretion without any pressure for him to take you.

These are just a few suggestions that are sure to help.
Good luck, Samuela the Laminite, on your mission to help save young mormon girls everwhere.

At 9/27/2004 04:33:00 PM,

I think most of the stuff that has been posted on dating here is just silly but this has to be one of the most fantastic ideas I have heard. Please feel free to make me some cookies or brownies!

At 1/11/2005 08:19:00 AM,

Viva la Treat Tramp! 

Posted by Capt. Kirk




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